Jan.
1—1796. This
day—my first on
the light-house—I make this entry in my Diary, as agreed on with De
Grät. As regularly as I can
keep the journal, I will—but there is no telling what may happen to
a man all alone as I am—I may get sick, or worse. . . . So far
well! The cutter had a narrow escape—but why dwell on that, since I
am here,
all safe? My spirits are beginning to revive already, at the mere
thought of being—for once in my life at least—thoroughly alone.
. . . What most surprises me, is the difficulty De Grät had in
getting me the appointment—and I a noble of the realm! It could not
be that the Consistory had any doubt of my ability to manage the
light. One man
had attended it before now—and got on quite as well as the three
that are usually put in. The duty is a mere nothing; and the printed
instructions are as plain as possible. It never would have done to
let Orndoff accompany me. I never should have made any way with my
book as long as he was within reach of me, with his intolerable
gossip—not to mention that everlasting mëerschaum. Besides, I wish
to be alone.
. . . It is strange that I never observed, until this moment, how
dreary a sound that word has—“alone”! I could half fancy there
was some peculiarity in the echo of these cylindrical walls—but oh,
no!—this is all nonsense. I do believe I am going to get nervous
about my insulation. That
will never do. I have
not forgotten De Grät’s prophecy. Now for a scramble to the
lantern and a good look around to “see what I can see”. . . . To
see what I can see indeed !—not very much. The swell is subsiding a
little, I think—but the cutter will have a rough passage home,
nevertheless. She will hardly get within sight of the Norland before
noon to-morrow—and yet it can hardly be more than 190 or 200 miles.
★
Jan.
2. I
have passed this
day in a species of ecstasy that I find impossible to describe. My
passion for solitude could scarcely have been more thoroughly
gratified. I do not say satisfied;
for I believe I should never be satiated with such delight as I have
experienced to-day. . . . The wind lulled about day-break, and by the
afternoon the sea had gone down materially. . . . Nothing to be seen,
with the telescope even, but ocean and sky, with an occasional gull.
Jan.
3. A
dead calm all day.
Towards evening, the sea looked very much like glass. A few sea-weeds
came in sight; but besides them absolutely nothing
all day—not even the slightest speck of cloud . . . . Occupied
myself in exploring the light-house. . . . It is a very lofty one—as
I find to my cost when I have to ascend its interminable stairs—not
quite 160 feet, I should say, from the low-water mark to the top of
the lantern. From the bottom inside
the shaft, however, the distance to the summit is 180 feet at
least:—thus the floor is twenty feet below the surface of the sea,
even at low-tide. . . . It seems to me that the hollow interior at
the bottom should have been filled in with solid masonry. Undoubtedly
the whole would have been thus rendered more safe:—but what am I
thinking about? A structure such as this is safe enough under any
circumstances. I should feel myself secure in it during the fiercest
hurricane that ever raged—and yet I have heard seamen say
occasionally, with a wind at South-West, the sea has been known to
run higher here than anywhere with the single exception of the
Western opening of the Straits of Magellan. No mere sea, though,
could accomplish anything with this solid iron-riveted wall—which,
at 50 feet from high-water mark, is four feet thick, if one inch. . .
. The basis on which the structure rests seems to me to be chalk. . .
.
Jan
4.
Today
I was drawn to the
lamp at the zenith of the light-house, with a sense of summoning so
clearly defined that I half expected to find someone waiting for me
beside the lamp. The lamp itself—a dozen brass lanterns, in fact,
symmetrically arrayed in an iron framework before the mirror—were
all that awaited me. But I lie! There was my own distorted reflection
awaiting me, in that reflective silver concavity behind
the lamps. A seagull, too, hung almost motionless, itself a lantern
in the sky beyond the glass, balancing in the stream of air, poised
and waiting for me to throw scraps, as perhaps the last keeper had
done . . . On the night before my embarking to the island I
sat late at the Watcher Inn with Orndoff, an acquaintance in the
village closest to the light-house; he and I had gone to the same
university.
Very
different, were Orndoff and I. At university he had drifted through
the instruction with a kind of amused indifference, scarcely
attending. But my mania for history had kept eye and ear so fixed
upon the professors that I seemed to make them nervous. This is hard
to parcel out from the remainder of my intercourse with humanity,
however: perhaps because I was an orphaned child, raised without
siblings by an uncle who seemed aggrieved by the responsibility, I
have never felt that other people warmed to me; have always felt a
vague, undefined hostility from them. Oh there was Elena, of
course—would I be here skulking alone upon a rock in the midst of
the sea if not for Elena? She alone looked past my dark countenance;
saw more than my scowl. And that one died when her ship caught fire.
She died in the midst of the sea; I have chosen to live there. Where
is this lighthouse but the midst of the sea?
As
for Orndoff—who will palaver at anyone with the patience to
listen—he told me his gossip of the former keeper. I knew nothing
of the erstwhile light-house watchman, having come to this
comparatively prosperous, snug little village near the light-house
only a fortnight earlier, at De Grät’s suggestion. Hendershaw, an
expatriate from England, had been a queer antiquarian, liked by
people who knew him a little, feared by those who knew him well.
“Oh!” said Orndoff importantly, puffing his pipe and sloshing his
ale, “many leatherbound folios, and even a scroll or two, came to
him on this very island by cutter, in protective chests from such
places as Paris and Moscow and Rome and Mount Athos; one, indeed,
hailed all the way from Bombay, and was said to be writ in Sanskrit;
and how came he to read that?—One day,” so Orndoff went on,
“Hendershaw was heard to shout at people in the village, as if from
high above, and to implore them to ‘Stop it, stop it!’ . . . Or,
he would shine the light! said he.”
“So,”
said I to Orndoff, “Hendershaw was back in the village, shirking
his duty and drinking and making fools of you, when he should have
been at the light-house?”
“Why
no,” said Orndoff. “He was at the light-house when he spoke! He
must have been, for he had no boat out there of his own, and when
someone went to the island the next day, they found him dead, at the
foot of the light-house—he had fallen through a window close beside
the lamp; stumbled, we supposed. Fallen all that long way down!”
“You
know as well as I, Orndoff, that if he was heard in the village then
someone was mocking his voice. This, or else he had come here. This
village may be the closest to the light-house,”—for the cutter
returns to distant Norland only because there is no good harbor
hereabouts—“but the lighthouse is miles distant, out in the sea,
and he could not have been heard. Unless perhaps some meteorological
peculiarity reigned that night—that is not beyond the limits of
possibility.”
“Not
only was he heard,” Orndoff insisted, indignantly tapping the
dottle from his pipe, “he was heard clear as like to yonder church
bell! Clearer, for a bell is usually heard from a steeple, and to
everyone who heard him it was as if he were standing right beside
them!”
. . . I
remember the conversation now with a dim smile. There is not a remote
parish in this land—or any other!—which has not its share of
ghosts, quite often said to be the shades of witches who’d cursed
the place on their burning. What hamlet is without one, or two—or
three? Just as every village has a wit like Orndoff who practices on
the credulous. I am not to be taken in . . . But today,
standing at the curved mirror, blinking in the reflected light from
the sea, the near cloudless sky, and listening to the sough of the
wind against the stone tower, I thought I saw a second likeness in
the reflector mingled with my own . . . . De Grät was
right! Isolation acts on the imagination . . . and I am glad
of it! This journal is just a sort of morning walk for the mind, to
get the blood moving in the limbs of imagination. My book calls to
me . . . Perhaps I’ll change the subject matter and write
of the rustics in the village. But I’ve never thought for a moment
of writing anything else but my account of mad royalty! What turns of
mind one takes in abject solitude—and I will now take a turn on the
rocky beach.
★
Jan.
9. Has it really been
four days since I wrote the last entry in this journal? I have come
to spend most of my days sleeping, since my duties are to be carried
out at night. The inspection of the lamps is a lighthouse keeper’s
sacred duty: the renewing of their oil, the rekindling of their
flames should the wind push its nose through some errant crack—and
the wind here does show a certain mischievousness. It’s true that
every couple of days I polish the mirror during the day, but it is at
night that I must check and re-check the light, to see that all of
the lamps are lit. No diminution of the illumination is to be
permitted. My own glow has diminished, somewhat—the shift to
activity in all the hours of darkness has perplexed me somehow, and
my body resents the change. The days have blurred together, so. And
thus it is that I work late afternoon, wearing toward dusk, laboring
feverishly on my book—squinting in the candle light, for the sun is
on the other side of the tower, affording little light for this
chilly cabin attached to the light-house. I scratch away with the
wind’s buffeting threatening to overturn the stone tower onto my
little lodging—but I am indifferent to nature’s vain threats. I
write, uncaring: I write what seems to have welled up from my dreams.
I find myself writing not on the madness of kings in history, as I
had planned, but instead on the madness that accompanies quotidian
life in an ordinary village—the very village I quitted to come
here! The lines pour out of me with a species of
self-determination—as determined as the Republicists in the
American colonies. I find myself describing the lanky red-nosed
village Mayor, who plays the sad widower by day, but at night, I
watch, in my mind’s eye, as he drinks his laudanum and then beds
the wife of the snoring tax collector. I discover I have written four
and a half pages on the stout, ham-fisted Constable, a record of his
robbery of the men in his jail; I find that I have scrivened two
pages with glee on the sodomy of a choirboy by the grave and sallow
Minister; I am astonished to see that I have written seven close
pages on the Schoolmaster’s beating of his wife, and have related
how that same Schoolmaster then repairs to the back room of the
chandler’s shop, where he offers himself to be beaten by the
drunken candlemaker himself . . . Sometimes I seem to see
them in the glimmering reflections of the concave mirror behind the
lanterns, after they are all lit. I seem to see the village, the
little houses opened up and laid bare . . . Then the image
fades but in some wise it has crept into my mind, like a lean wolf
creeping into a den, only to emerge in my dreams. It was thus when I
saw the stableman locking himself in his attic to pray for the
courage to not—oh yes! the courage to not murder his hateful
snaggle-toothed wife . . . I laughed aloud, at times as I
scribbled these fantasies—and later felt ashamed of my
facetiousness. How could I wheeze away like that over such tragic
doings? How could I indeed, ever have written anything so perverse!
But
this has to end! I must assume that this indulgence arises from
fancies provoked by the last society I had enjoyed, if enjoyed is the
word to describe my interview with De Grät—as if in recoiling from
my solitude (which has gone from delight to burden) I people my world
instead with figures from a kind of fever dream.
I
can see De Grät’s supercilious smile even now. I can hear his oily
voice. “I told you so! A gentleman whose head thus teems is not
suited for such isolation! Did I not warn you? But you would insist
on taking the post!” Perhaps he was right—But how am I to
extricate myself without a loss of face that would preclude anyone
offering me another post? I must remain . . . I must remain
alone. Just me and the god of the sea whose great grey body surges in
the swells without ceasing, shifting and murmuring, endlessly
grumbling to himself . . .
Jan.
14? (Is this date correct?) What
day of the week is
this? Is it Sunday? I had intended to pray on Sunday; to read from
the Old Testament aloud; to give myself a bit of a church service.
There will be no one here for another week and I needed some rhythm
in my life. So I told myself yesterday.
To
think of praying now! After what I’ve seen! Somehow it seems a mockery of the idea of prayer . . . No—let me be honest—I have
not ceased praying, since the Eye of the Light-house showed itself to
me. A silent prayer without words—a prayer incessantly calling out
help me . . . help
me . . . help me . . . while
in fact I’m saying nothing at all.
Shall
I tell you? Someone must read this, surely.
You!
. . . .Can
you hear me, climbing the stairs, breathing like a horse at the end
of a race? No—see me!
See me as I carried a lantern up the spiral staircase, just at
sunset. Here and there a bent square of dying sunlight bled scarlet
through the occasional window, only to be blotted by my circle of
light as I ascended. (You do see? That’s exactly what must be
done—you must see! To see as I have!)
As
always there was the sharp feeling of vulnerability when I reached
the top—for here the wind invariably batters at the windows,
threatening that this night, this
time, it will at last
shake the glass from its frames . . . I was well aware that
one of these panes of glass was new, having been replaced after
Hendershaw fell through it to his death. I knew which pane it was
too—a cheaper glass than the others, blurred by poor glazing so it
distorted the moon, making it into a bent countenance, a leering
yellow face, like a figure of wax in the heat.
I
set about lighting the lanterns before the reflector, and this time
tried to keep myself from looking into the curved mirror—to prevent
its practicing upon my imagination—
My
task done, I stood . . . and heard a rattling from the back
of the mirror.
I
had only once looked behind the mirror—there was only dust there,
cobwebs, the curved inner wall of the light-house. But beyond that
formidable stone wall was the windy air above the rocky verge of the
island, and beyond that verge the sea—and beyond that curving
stretch of sea, the shore, a little distance beyond which stood the
village. That dusty dim place—barely room for a man to pass—had
seemed repugnant to me, and I had never questioned my
intuition . . . The stability of the mirror was my job, my
duty, and if it seemed to rattle, why, I must needs reinforce it. So
with the tool box in one hand and the lantern in the other I sidled
behind the mirror . . . I saw nothing amiss. The bolts
holding the curved reflector to its frame seemed quite sound. Then
the mirror trembled once more—it shook off some of its dust from
exactly marked places, from a shape scratched on the dull, convex
metal of its back. I lifted the lantern to more closely look. A
diagram was scratched into the surface there . . . I shall
not try to reproduce it here . . . I hope no one ever
reproduces it again! . . . An intricate diagram of
geometrical forms, but a
geometry I did not recognize, none of them quite Euclidean, though
some might have alchemical significance—I might have glimpsed
something of the sort in the margins of some half-remembered
illuminated manuscript perused while studying Greek. There were
letters too, unintelligibly cryptic words in a script I had never
seen . . . I had a terrible desire to wipe it away—indeed,
to break the mirror itself, on seeing these marks. I felt distinctly
as if someone was urging me to do just that . . . But I could
not. I would be not only discharged from my sinecure, but arrested,
perhaps sent to a madhouse.
I
returned to the front of the mirror, with that diagram still fixed in
my mind. I gazed into the mirror behind the lanterns, then,
forgetting my earlier resolve, and the diagram seemed to float before
my eyes, like the image haunting the vision when one has stared into
the sun, and some incomprehensible completion took place then: I felt
it like a key turning in a lock.
So
it was that the mirror became a great eye. For me, staring into it,
at just that instant, the light-house mirror did not reflect; it
showed nothing of me, as it usually did, it gathered light but seemed
to push it all to the sides so that I could see the window it had
become . . .
Was
it indeed like a window? Nay, a telescope lens, looking out the back
of the light-house, right through the stone wall, through the
intervening sky, across the arm of sea, across the strand and into
the village . . . I could see into the village, exactly as if
I was staring into the eyepiece of a giant telescope, though nothing
so powerful and precise in its magnification exists. I talk as if I’m
trying to find some rational description of what I experienced—but
I was looking not only through the solid mirror, but through
a stone wall!—and
oh! I could see every house in the village clearly and distinctly. If
I looked at any one house, in particular, the house would swell to
fill the mirror . . . My eyes burned, of course, with the
light of the lanterns prodigiously reflected. At the same time, I
couldn’t quite see that light. The pain I felt from gazing at it
seemed distant, like the pricking of a benumbed limb. My eyes ran
with tears, but I could not look away . . . But come here,
reader, gaze over my shoulder as I write this, see it with me: when I
looked at any one house, it opened itself up to me, as if a cabinet
was flung open from within—First, the Mayor’s house, twice as big
as the others. Two storeys, with balconies and its own courtyard and
stables, it drew my eye—and as I looked at it, seeing every
cornice, every crack, every shingle and gutter with an etched
clarity, suddenly all this minute marking fell away, as if a page was
turned in a picture book, and the interior of the house was revealed.
It looked exactly like a doll’s house, seen from the open back,
everything miniature, each furnishing exquisitely
reproduced . . . but here the dolls moved about on their own,
requiring no childish hands to put them through their paces. I
watched as the Mayor sent his housekeeper away, turned the portrait
of his departed wife to the wall, unlocked a leaded glass cabinet and
drew out a bottle of laudanum. I recognized that manner of bottle,
having had too much recourse to it myself—one of the reasons I came
to this light-house—and saw him decant a thousand drops or so,
drink them down, and then go to the back door, where the fat and
tittering tax collector’s wife awaited . . . what they did
then, not in the bedroom but in the kitchen, I did not propose to
observe—past satisfying myself what they were about—and looked
away, thinking that I had observed all this before in a dream, and
written about it too, only in that instance they had trysted in the
parlor...When I looked back at the mirror, the Mayor’s house shrank
and another filled the lens, and here the Dressmaker’s Widow was
whipping her small daughter with a horse-crop—I could bear to look
only a moment. Still, a kind of heated hunger had me, a voyeur’s
passion stoked by a sense of godlike power, as I looked at another
house, and another: Behold the Fisherman at prayers—the only good
and honest man in the village. Yet his son was creeping out a window
to meet another young rogue, the two of them donning masks, carrying
cudgels to the back door of the inn, where they skulked, awaiting the
first moneyed drunk to step out into the night . . . Here was
the Minister’s house, and here he caressed a new boy, who shrank
from him. But leering, the minister forced the boy into a
corner . . . . Here was the Usurer, keeping accounts late
with a candle—and I saw no sin in him. But who was this creeping up
behind him? The son of the pious fisherman, the corrupted youth too
impatient to wait at the inn.
I
watched as he struck the Usurer over the head from behind and scooped
up his gold. The Fisherman’s son quarreled with his partner about
the gold . . . and then he struck him dead!
I
could watch no more . . . and the pain in my eyes no longer
seemed distant. I turned away . . . And beheld only darkness!
My eyes had gone blind, for a time, staring into the lanterns, the
reflected light of the mirror. I had been staring, I told myself,
into the glare of my own imagination.
But
I know it was not imagination. Had I not met most of these people in
the village? Had I not sensed this very venality, this viciousness,
this familiar brutishness, behind their formal bows, their
countrified manners? I’m in the habit of ignoring such disquieting
perceptions—as I believe we all are—and blanketed them away
immediately they were shewn. But now my recollection of that disquiet
returned and insisted on remembering itself to me. Even as their
dissimulating faces returned to me, so also sight seeped back into my
burning eyes. I beheld the moon rising over the sea, daubing the
streak of restless waves beneath it with silver light even as the
rest of the sea dimmed. I fled down the stairs, my eyes
throbbing . . . burning! My conscience burned far worse.
Jan
17. I
am almost sure it
is January 17. I managed to see the calendar, though the numbers of
the days rippled in the swimming shadows. I am near completely blind
now, and though it is daylight I write these lines with three candles
set about the page, to ease the permanent night that has settled over
my vision. Only in bright sunlight can I see well enough to walk
freely about, and I do not think I will have another day of bright
sunlight.
For
they are coming for me. I hear them coming. I have ignored their
shouted demands. Now they are at the door—let them thunder upon it!
I have bolted and barred the door. It will take them time to break it
down, since the fools have come ill prepared. Someone, I gather, has
been sent back to the cutter for tools. I hear the imprecations of
those left waiting.
I
should not have looked through the Eye again. How long was it? Three,
perhaps, four days? Is this how long I managed, without looking again
into the Eye of the Light-house? Every intervening dusk, when I lit
the beacon, I was careful to look only at the lanterns themselves,
never at the mirror. But still I caught movement in the concave
surface, and it was not my own movement. Yet I did not turn to look.
I heard voices from the village coming from the mirror—yes I could
hear them as well as see! . . . I forced myself not to
listen . . .
Three,
perhaps four days I did not look in the Eye. I drank the whiskey I
had brought with me, jeering at my earlier resolve to limit myself to
a single glass on retiring. I tried to work on my book. But the
giddiness would seize me, and I would find myself writing of the
Schoolmaster’s wife locking herself in a root cellar while he raged
drunkenly outside, reciting Ovid between pulls on his jug . . . So
I put the writing aside and attempted to read. But the words shifted
on the page, and an account of Henry the Eighth transmuted itself in
mid-sentence. Thus
Henry took for himself a wife without choosing at all, his counselors
having selected this wide eyed Hollander lady . . . This
becoming, Thus the
Mayor took for himself the milkmaid over the tax collector’s
wife . . . I
clapped the book shut at that!
I
told myself that soon the cutter would come with supplies. I resolved
to refuse the supplies and demand of the coxswain a return to the
mainland . . .
Once
this resolution was made, it was suggested to me—perhaps something
within me suggested it, perhaps not—that one last look would not
run amiss, since after all I was leaving . . . so it was that
I succumbed to temptation. When I’d finished lighting the—
—O
how they howl out there! How much time remains to me? My eyesight
fails—!
—so
it was, I say, that I finished lighting the lamps, and turned to look
into the mirror, envisioning that obscure diagram, and immediately
the reflector became like the widening iris of an eye, a dilating
that revealed again the village, every house in every detail. My eyes
burned with the fogged pain, and still I gazed into the eye of the
light-house, looking with utter and entire impossibility through the
mirror itself and the stone wall behind it, through the intervening
spaces, seeing—I cannot think how to convince you of this, but it
is true!—seeing what was happening at exactly that moment in the
village . . . .
I
saw Orndoff’s house, then, for the first time—opening itself to
me like a magician’s cabinet. He was at the back door, with a
wooden crate, paying the groom of the Inn and from their whispered
discourse I understood that the groom had stolen goods, rum and beer
and vodka from the Inn, which Orndoff proposed to sell at a profit in
the hamlet that lay further south along the coast.
“Thief!”
I shouted, in a kind of giggling hysteria. “Cease your theft,
Orndoff! And tell the Minister to cease his predation!”
And
Orndoff heard me! I saw him whirl, looking for the source of the
sound.
“Who?”
he sputtered.
The
horse-groom ran away—and I turned to look at another house. Here
the Fisherman argued with his son, demanding to know where he came
upon the gold that had fallen from his coat. Was it he who had robbed
the usurer? The son refused to answer and made for the door—his
father tried to stop him. The boy turned and struck at him with a
length of wood from the pile by the fireplace. His father fell,
stunned—
“Do
not kill that old man, you fool, you’ll regret it the whole of your
life!” I shouted.
The
boy turned this way and that to see who was speaking and I
laughed . . . though my eyes streamed with the blazing light
of the mirror, I laughed . . .
I
looked at another house, and more—saw the Mayor at his
peccadilloes, the Minister at his fondling, the Mistress of the Inn
plotting to run away with a coachman—
Thereupon
I was struck with a terrible revulsion. I could no longer bear to see
these people scuttling and capering about in the shadows. I felt like
a man who has awakened in a noisome inn and hears what may be the
feet of rats on the floor beside him. Wishing to know if he’s to be
invaded by vermin, he strikes a lantern alight, vowing that he will
catch them in the light, and call the innkeeper and demand an
explanation.
That’s
what I felt must be done . . . I must bring the vermin out of
the shadows and demand an explanation!
And
so I seized a handle to one side of the beacon, used before-times
only for the light’s repair. This I heaved on, against the rust,
till at last the creaking mirror turned and shone against the back
wall. The enchantment of the mirror did not fail me; it behaved as
the whispering in my mind had suggested it would: it shone its light
right through the wall, making a window where none had been—the
light streamed in a concerted shaft through intervening miles, in a
magnification no oculist could explain, and struck full upon the
house of the Fisherman . . . And the house was laid bare! The
opacity of its walls vanished, it became as of a house of glass, each
room all lit up with the beam of the beacon—so that not only I, but
everyone in the village
could see the Fisherman’s son standing over the fallen form of his
parent. The Fisherman’s son turned and shouted—seeing that his
own walls had become as glass, and everyone was staring at
him . . . Then I shifted the beacon again, so that it fell
upon the Mayor’s house. And this too became a house of glass, and
he was caught en
flagrante with the
daughter of the tanner. I shifted the light again so that it shone
upon the Inn, where the Mistress of the Inn—her husband busy with
the horses—was creeping out the back with the Coachman, her bag in
hand. The Innkeeper turned and saw, through the new transparency of
the walls, his wife’s departure—her horrified face to see him
gawping at her! And how I laughed!
I
shifted the light again and again, revealing each house’s
secrets—so that they could be seen by everyone else in the village.
“Now you see,” I shouted, “how the all-seeing eye of the
light-house has revealed you all for the crawling vermin you are!”
Then
the darkness closed over my eyes—darkness like shutters slammed by
pain. The agony in my eyes was unspeakable as I turned the light back
to the sea . . . but I could not see the sea, or the moon, or
the steps I stumbled down. I nearly fell, having to feel my way
along. The lantern in my hand seemed dim as a candle a hundred
strides away in a heavy fog . . . Ravaged by emotions that
passed so quickly I could scarce distinguish them—revulsion, shame,
anger, a desire to return to the great Eye, terror—I felt my way
down and down, spiraling down in darkness, till at last I felt the
cold air of the night on my face . . . I returned to my cabin
to drink the last of my whisky. I slept—and the voices of my
tormentors woke me. I heard them coming, shouting for me, howling
like animals in their rage. I barred the door . . . And
now . . . .
Now
I hear them worrying that door with some great tool. It sounds as if
they might be angling away with a bar of iron. I hear it from time to
time, squeaking at the door, like the teeth of rats on wood. They
pause in their gnawing to accuse me of sorcery, of trying to destroy
them all with lies—with magic, a magic lantern of some kind,
creating a puppet theater with the innocent, Godfearing villagers as
the Punch and Judys. Lies, they say—you tell lies about us! They
say they’ll burn me out if they have to and more than one agrees
that burning is peculiarly appropriate for me . . . The dregs
of my sight evaporate as I write these lines, and I must secrete this
away in some niche of the wall where it will be preserved. I know
just the place . . . They’re breaking in! I must hurry! I
will not live out this night. Oh God preserve me from the workings of
their black, black hearts . . .
Am
perplexed as
to what to do with this hasty and typically deranged piece by Poe,
found in his papers—there is a shorter version, an unfinished
fragment, that some have seen. They have not seen this longer one and
my impulse is to suppress it for its references to depravity, a
disgrace to include in the works of a man of letters. Poe was all too
aware of such depravity, just as he knew the bottle and pipe, but
never had he written of licentiousness so boldly, and he must have
reckoned his own mistake and decided not to publish the piece—it
was writ about a year before his death—but there is also the note
in the margins to wit: “True story, if the Danish coxswain is to be
believed—though some say the light-house keeper was killed because
in his drunkenness he turned the beacon and allowed a ship to
founder . . . but the coxswain had seen the manuscript and
was insistent—material here would have to be cut and
disguised . . . EAP” Not sure what I shall do with this.
Hide it as I have hidden so much, perhaps—best to turn a blind eye.
—Rufus
Wilmot Griswold 1851
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