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Sunday, April 17, 2022

Lost Light: IV

 by A. A. Attanasio





The Alchemist’s Art



   I sat again in the indigo armchair facing a fractional view of the sunny garden. Light banking off the flower beds washed the air with transparent hues.

   The tea, pale gold, filled my sinuses, its sweetness very like anise. Cybilla called it “ancient lotus” tea and explained that it originated in Viet Nam’s Thai Nguyan province, where a thousand lotus flowers went into the natural scenting of one kilo.

   I felt quiet again inside. The luminous room and the fragrant tea seemed to cancel the brutality that had broken my life.

   “I’m not sure what’s happening—or what I’m doing here.” I addressed the woven threads of 22 carat gold on my thumb. “My dissonance—it’s gone. But if I remove this ring…”

   “Doctor Prosper, you’re here because you have freed the light inside you.”

   “I don’t understand.”

   “Understanding is optional.” She leveled an ardent stare. “The light you freed illuminates the entire universe. Even the shadows.” Her voice shrank almost to a whisper. “The shadows conspired, and you have been sent here.”

   My attention deepened. “By your deceased great-aunt.”

   “You suspect some kind of trickery.” Cybilla sipped her ancient lotus tea. Her brash eyes slimmed. “And wonder if I’m delusional.”

   “Actually, what I’m wondering is how you hypnotized me so swiftly—and profoundly.” I looked in vain for her theatrical features to affirm or deny. “My brain injury makes me highly suggestible. I’m sure of that. You began by inducing a surreal hallucination. You made me feel that I had ‘levitated’—a trance effect meant to shake me up, to snap me out of my depressive syndrome. And that shock—or perhaps another suggestion following the shock—restored the clarity I had lost in Afghanistan.”

   “I’m not a hypnotist.”

   “What are you then?” I leaned forward aggressively. Clarity hammered down all the details around me. “I feel like myself once more. Really myself. How can this be?”

   “I’m an alchemist.” She took another sip, and her eyebrows lifted critically as she reconsidered. “Perhaps that’s misleading. Most people think alchemy is protoscience. Antiquated and misguided.”

   I wondered if I was still in a hypnotic trance and her banter was setting me up for the next suggestion. I took a slow breath and, with a long exhale, relished the ease that had settled over me. It felt real enough. “So—what then is alchemy?”

   “Chrysopoeia, alkahest formations, and the recovery of the lapis.” She smiled warmly, assuring me that this woolliness suggested a happy fate for her. “I’ll explain all that in time. And you’ll come to understand how this ring you’re wearing, this alchemic gold, binds your body and soul together. Not with hypnosis. Or magic. Alchemy is esoteric science.”

   “Science?” My eyes pinched with doubt—even as I marveled at my renewed clarity. Obviously, I had misdiagnosed my symptoms. My nervous system was not impaired. My mind was. Three days in a coma had diminished my mental defenses, and the horrors I had witnessed in battle and suppressed afterward had simply overwhelmed me upon waking.

   Somehow, this mentalist had gentled those horrors. “Your science stabilized me. In some mysterious way, it works. This method, whatever it is, has the potential to lift misery from a lot of people.”

   “Doctor, not all knowledge should be shared.” Her stressed stare reached into me for agreement. “What we know decides how we see the world. And that, in turn, decides the world we see.”

   Was this some kind of mesmeric psychobabble? I welded my stare to hers. “What world do you see?”

   “A world where you work with me.”

   That sat me deeper into the upholstery. The abrupt way she had shifted the conversation convinced me she was working some kind of mind game.

   I paused for another slow, deep breath. Outrage at her secrecy competed with awe at finding myself whole, and I asked quietly, deflecting the absurdity of her proposal, “Why does an alchemist need a medical doctor? A wizard would be more helpful.”

   “My work is physically dangerous. And wizards are no use setting bones, chelating poisons, or staunching and stitching wounds.”

   “You’re serious?”

   “Your reference is compelling.” She put her teacup down on the ebony side table and perched herself at the very edge of her chair. “I don’t expect you to accept the reality of the Pardes. Or that my deceased great-aunt sent you here. Not yet. You’re still wondering if your present sanity will last. So long as you wear that ring, what you call ‘dissonance’ cannot touch you.”

   “But how is this possible?”

   “Gnostech. The ring, it’s gnostic technology. I forged it myself in the alchemy lab out back. The conductive materials use the electroweak field of the body within the electromagnetic frequencies of the environment to shift your attention among the Many Worlds.”

   She met my pout with a woeful look. “Understanding isn’t important. Acceptance is.” Crossing her arms and twisting deeper into her seat, she told me, “You should check your military records. Things will have changed now that you’re wearing alchemic gold.”

   From among her ruffles and scarves, she produced a smartphone and opened the screen to a browser. “Here. Sign into your VAC account.”

   Mystified, I pulled up the website for Veterans Affairs Canada and entered my data. A moment later, I scowled with disbelief.

   My service account had changed. The active-duty file indicated that I had sustained superficial injuries in a vehicle accident while on a medical mission at Panjwaii on the date I remembered—but all records of my coma and three-month rehabilitation had vanished.




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Archive of Stories
and Authors

Callum Leckie's
THE DIGITAL DECADENT


J.R. Torina's
ANTHROPOPHAGUS


J.R. Torina's
THE HOUSE IN THE PORT


J.R. Torina was DJ for Sonic Slaughter-
house ('90-'97), runs Sutekh Productions
(an industrial-ambient music label) and
Slaughterhouse Records (metal record
label), and was proprietor of The Abyss
(a metal-gothic-industrial c.d. shop in
SLC, now closed). He is the dark force
behind Scapegoat (an ambient-tribal-
noise-experimental unit). THE HOUSE
IN THE PORT is his first publication.

Sean Padlo's
NINE TENTHS OF THE LAW

Sean Padlo's
GRANDPA'S LAST REQUEST

Sean Padlo's exact whereabouts
are never able to be fully
pinned down, but what we
do know about him is laced
with the echoes of legend.
He's already been known
to haunt certain areas of
the landscape, a trick said
to only be possible by being
able to manipulate it from
the future. His presence
among the rest of us here
at the freezine sends shivers
of wonder deep in our solar plexus.


Konstantine Paradias & Edward
Morris's HOW THE GODS KILL


Konstantine Paradias's
SACRI-FEES

Konstantine Paradias is a writer by
choice. At the moment, he's published
over 100 stories in English, Japanese,
Romanian, German, Dutch and
Portuguese and has worked in a free-
lancing capacity for videogames, screen-
plays and anthologies. People tell him
he's got a writing problem but he can,
like, quit whenever he wants, man.
His work has been nominated
for a Pushcart Prize.

Edward Morris's
ONE NIGHT IN MANHATTAN


Edward Morris's
MERCY STREET

Edward Morris is a 2011 nominee for
the Pushcart Prize in literature, has
also been nominated for the 2009
Rhysling Award and the 2005 British
Science Fiction Association Award.
His short stories have been published
over a hundred and twenty times in
four languages, most recently at
PerhihelionSF, the Red Penny Papers'
SUPERPOW! anthology, and The
Magazine of Bizarro Fiction. He lives
and works in Portland as a writer,
editor, spoken word MC and bouncer,
and is also a regular guest author at
the H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival.


Tim Fezz's
BURNT WEENY SANDWICH

Tim Fezz's
MANY SILVERED MOONS AGO

Tim Fezz hails out of the shattered
streets of Philly destroying the air-
waves and people's minds in the
underground with his band OLD
FEZZIWIG. He's been known to
dip his razor quill into his own
blood and pen a twisted tale
every now and again. We are
delighted to have him onboard
the FREEZINE and we hope
you are, too.

Daniel E. Lambert's
DEAD CLOWN AND MAGNET HEAD


Daniel E. Lambert teaches English
at California State University, Los
Angeles and East Los Angeles College.
He also teaches online Literature
courses for Colorado Technical
University. His writing appears
in Silver Apples, Easy Reader,
Other Worlds, Wrapped in Plastic
and The Daily Breeze. His work
also appears in the anthologies
When Words Collide, Flash It,
Daily Flash 2012, Daily Frights
2012, An Island of Egrets and
Timeless Voices. His collection
of poetry and prose, Love and
Other Diversions, is available
through Amazon. He lives in
Southern California with his
wife, poet and author Anhthao Bui.

Phoenix's
AGAIN AND AGAIN

Phoenix has enjoyed writing since he
was a little kid. He finds much import-
ance and truth in creative expression.
Phoenix has written over sixty books,
and has published everything from
novels, to poetry and philosophy.
He hopes to inspire people with his
writing and to ask difficult questions
about our world and the universe.
Phoenix lives in Salt Lake City, Utah,
where he spends much of his time
reading books on science, philosophy,
and literature. He spends a good deal
of his free time writing and working
on new books. The Freezine of Fant-
asy and Science Fiction welcomes him
and his unique, intense vision.
Discover Phoenix's books at his author
page on Amazon. Also check out his blog.

Adam Bolivar's
SERVITORS OF THE
OUTER DARKNESS


Adam Bolivar's
THE DEVIL & SIR
FRANCIS DRAKE



Adam Bolivar's
THE TIME-EATER


Adam Bolivar is an expatriate Bostonian
who has lived in New Orleans and Berkeley,
and currently resides in Portland, Oregon
with his beloved wife and fluffy gray cat
Dahlia. Adam wears round, antique glasses
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inspirations include H.P. Lovecraft,
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a Romantic poet for as long as any-
one can remember, specializing in
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utilizing to great effect a traditional
poetic form that taps into the haunted
undercurrents of folklore seldom found
in other forms of writing.
His poetry has appeared on the pages
of such publications as SPECTRAL
REALMS and BLACK WINGS OF
CTHULHU, and a poem of his,
"The Rime of the Eldritch Mariner,"
won the Rhysling Award for long-form
poetry. His collection of weird balladry
and Jack tales, THE LAY OF OLD HEX,
was published by Hippocampus Press in 2017.


Sanford Meschkow's
INEVITABLE

Sanford Meschkow is a retired former
NYer who married a Philly suburban
Main Line girl. Sanford has been pub-
lished in a 1970s issue of AMAZING.
We welcome him here on the FREE-
ZINE of Fantasy and Science Fiction.


Owen R. Powell's
NOETIC VACATIONS

Little is known of the mysterious
Owen R. Powell (oftentimes referred
to as Orp online). That is because he
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Noetic Vacations marks his first
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Gene Stewart
(writing as Art Wester)
GROUND PORK


Gene Stewart's
CRYPTID'S LAIR

Gene Stewart is a writer and artist.
He currently lives in the Midwest
American Wilderness where he is
researching tales of mystical realism,
writing ficta mystica, and exploring
the dark by casting a little light into
the shadows. Follow this link to his
website where there are many samples
of his writing and much else; come
explore.

Daniel José Older's
GRAVEYARD WALTZ


Daniel José Older's
THE COLLECTOR


Daniel José Older's spiritually driven,
urban storytelling takes root at the
crossroads of myth and history.
With sardonic, uplifting and often
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his work as an overnight 911 paramedic,
a teaching artist & an antiracist/antisexist
organizer to weave fast-moving, emotionally
engaging plots that speak whispers and
shouts about power and privilege in
modern day New York City. His work
has appeared in the Freezine of Fantasy
and Science Fiction, The ShadowCast
Audio Anthology, The Tide Pool, and
the collection Sunshine/Noir, and is
featured in Sheree Renee Thomas'
Black Pot Mojo Reading Series in Harlem.
When he's not writing, teaching or
riding around in an ambulance,
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his Brooklyn-based soul quartet
Ghost Star. His blog about the
ridiculous and disturbing world
of EMS can be found here.


Paul Stuart's
SEA?TV!


Paul Stuart is the author of numerous
biographical blurbs written in the third
person. His previously published fiction
appears in The Vault of Punk Horror and
His non-fiction financial pieces can be found
in a shiny, west-coast magazine that features
pictures of expensive homes, as well as images
of women in casual poses and their accessories.
Consider writing him at paul@twilightlane.com,
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Rain Grave's
MAU BAST


Rain Graves is an award winning
author of horror, science fiction and
poetry. She is best known for the 2002
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David Niall Wilson). Her most
recent book, Barfodder: Poetry
Written in Dark Bars and Questionable
Cafes, has been hailed by Publisher's
Weekly as "Bukowski meets Lovecraft..."
in January of 2009. She lives and
writes in San Francisco, performing
spoken word at events around the
country. 877-DRK-POEM -




Blag Dahlia's
armed to the teeth
with LIPSTICK



BLAG DAHLIA is a Rock Legend.
Singer, Songwriter, producer &
founder of the notorious DWARVES.
He has written two novels, ‘NINA’ and
‘ARMED to the TEETH with LIPSTICK’.


G. Alden Davis's
THE FOLD


G. Alden Davis wrote his first short story
in high school, and received a creative
writing scholarship for the effort. Soon
afterward he discovered that words were
not enough, and left for art school. He was
awarded the Emeritus Fellowship along
with his BFA from Memphis College of Art
in '94, and entered the videogame industry
as a team leader and 3D artist. He has over
25 published games to his credit. Mr. Davis
is a Burningman participant of 14 years,
and he swings a mean sword in the SCA.
He's also the best friend I ever had. He
was taken away from us last year on Jan
25 and I'll never be able to understand why.
Together we were a fantastic duo, the
legendary Grub Bros. Our secret base
exists on a cross-hatched nexus between
the Year of the Dragon and Dark City.
Somewhere along the tectonic fault
lines of our electromagnetic gathering,
shades of us peel off from the coruscating
pillars and are dropped back into the mix.
The phrase "rest in peace" just bugs me.
I'd rather think that Greg Grub's inimitable
spirit somehow continues evolving along
another manifestation of light itself, a
purple shift shall we say into another
phase of our expanding universe. I
ask myself, is it wishful thinking?
Will we really shed our human skin
like a discarded chrysalis and emerge
shimmering on another wavelength
altogether--or even manifest right
here among the rest without their
even beginning to suspect it? Well
people do believe in ghosts, but I
myself have long been suspicious
there can only be one single ghost
and that's all the stars in the universe
shrinking away into a withering heart
glittering and winking at us like
lost diamonds still echoing all their
sad and lonely songs fallen on deaf
eyes and ears blind to their colorful
emanations. My grub brother always
knew better than what the limits
of this old world taught him. We
explored past the outer peripheries
of our comfort zones to awaken
the terror in our minds and keep
us on our toes deep in the forest
in the middle of the night. The owls
led our way and the wilderness
transformed into a sanctuary.
The adventures we shared together
will always remain tattooed on
the pages of my skin. They tell a
story that we began together and
which continues being woven to
this very day. It's the same old
story about how we all were in
this together and how each and
every one of us is also going away
someday and though it will be the far-
thest we can manage to tell our own
tale we may rest assured it will be
continued like one of the old pulp
serials by all our friends which survive
us and manage to continue
the saga whispering in the wind.

Shae Sveniker's
A NEW METAPHYSICAL STUDY
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OF PLANT LIFE


Shae is a poet/artist/student and former
resident of the Salt Pit, UT, currently living
in Simi Valley, CA. His short stories are on
Blogger and his poetry is hosted on Livejournal.


Nigel Strange's
PLASTIC CHILDREN


Nigel Strange lives with his wife and
daughter, cats, and tiny dog-like thing
in their home in California where he
occasionally experiments recreationally
with lucidity. PLASTIC CHILDREN
is his first publication.